Seven years ago, on the day his mother died, Tonny Muyaba left everything he knew - his home, family and friends in Kampala, Uganda’s capital and largest city. Alone and cut off from his family, the young man’s journey as a refugee has been painful and full of heartache and loss. Five friends in the refugee camp in Kenya where he lived took their own lives. Even today, it can be hard for Tonny to get out of bed and keep going. And yet, the 37-year-old has accomplished so much.

 

Since moving to Denver, Colorado, five years ago, he’s become fluent in English and earns a living as an Uber driver. Tonny is taking classes at a design school to work toward his dream of becoming a fashion designer. He’s made close friends and has a strong support system. He became a US citizen this summer, which enabled him to do the one thing he’s wanted to do all these years - visit Uganda for the first time since his mother’s death.

“I’m happy that I’m going there and that I’m going as an American citizen,”

Tonny said.

“I’m happy but at the same time I’m sad. I want to see my mother’s grave for the first time.”

Making a new life in the US is difficult for all refugees, but it can be especially hard for adults doing it alone. All refugees experience trauma, violence and loss, which takes a tremendous emotional toll on them. And yet, they find the strength to keep working toward their dreams.

“Tonny is so kind and such a genuine person,”

said Averil Loucks with the Denver office of the International Rescue Committee.

“Helping him complete his citizenship application was an honor and he studied so hard for his interview. I was so proud of him when he passed and I’m so excited to see where he goes from here.”

Finding His Identity

Uganda is a mostly tropical country in East Africa that was controlled by the United Kingdom from 1894 to 1962, and has experienced civil strife and violence. The country’s culture and traditions are strict, including the tradition for young men to marry once they reach adulthood. Following a different path is not supported in the culture or by Ugandan law. For Tonny, the only way to survive was to leave everything. He spent several years in a refugee camp in Kenya before coming to Denver and being resettled with the help of the IRC Denver staff.

In the US, Tonny has the freedom to express his identity, but that remains a difficult process for him. Even though they are surrounded by many different kinds of people with a wide range of lifestyles, on the inside, many refugees hold the expectations of their homelands close to their hearts and struggle with longing for the place they’ve lost.

On the day after arriving in Denver, IRC Denver staff sat down with Tonny and asked him many questions about his experience and what he needed. He said what he needed the most was therapy. IRC staff helped Tonny find a therapist, doctors, and much more. IRC staff also stayed in touch, helping him during his darkest times.

“They taught me how to use the bus, how to do laundry and how to do everything. When I first came here, I was really bad. They cared about me. They took me to the hospital. They called me - even at midnight.” 

IRC staff and volunteers also helped Tonny find a fashion school, two sewing machines and the materials to make clothing, as well as helping him to complete the steps to access resources and to apply for his citizenship.

Tonny said driving for Uber works well for him because he enjoys meeting and talking to people. His path to becoming a designer is slowed down because he needs to work to send money to pay for his daughter’s medical care. Tonny favors bold prints, sleek suits and black and white outfits. He adores shoes and has a closet full of sneakers and formal shoes of all colors and styles.

On the morning of his citizenship ceremony, Tonny wore a new black suit and shoes by his favorite designer, Calvin Klein, that he had bought for the occasion. Tonny was accompanied by his friend Zach, his cousin from Seattle and a close friend from Uganda. He was one of 36 people from 24 countries being sworn in as new citizens. Before the ceremony, he was beaming and energetic. While reciting the oath, Tonny cried, wiping away tears through the rest of the ceremony. They were tears of sadness because of his mother.

 

“This day means a lot in my life,”

he said.

“I wish my mom could have been here to see me,”

Tonny said. Becoming a citizen gives him security and a way to travel.

“Now I can go back and see her grave for the first time.”

 

The morning after the ceremony, Tonny wore an outfit of his favorite colors, black and white, to visit the IRC office. Over the years, many of the IRC staff who had helped Tonny were no longer there. But it was still important to Tonny to thank them for helping him to build a new life and to become a US citizen. He gave them flowers and showed them his citizenship certificate.

 

“I am so thankful to the IRC. They helped me so much. Everything I needed they got for me,”

Tonny said.

Tonny still sees the same therapist that the IRC helped him find when he first arrived in Denver. He says he can contact her anytime and she gets him in for an appointment right away. He keeps empty bottles of medicine to remind himself how far he’s come.

Two weeks after the citizenship ceremony, Tonny served as Best Man at his friend Zach’s wedding in Fairplay. His face lights up talking about Zach and the wedding and the beautiful mountains where they had the ceremony. When he goes back to Uganda, Tonny plans to spend a lot of time with his 16 year old daughter and the relatives who have stayed in touch since he left. He also wants to see the grave of his second daughter and his sister, both of whom died after he left. Tonny said he hopes to learn more about the clothing designs in Uganda so he can incorporate them into his design work. It will be another milestone in his journey to find his new identity as he grapples with his past.

Written by the IRC in Denver's volunteer Myung Oak Kim